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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jun 22, 2011 14:35:09 GMT -5
Typically, people like to compile helpful lists of advice for aspiring writers. This is the Anti-Guide, however, so instead of posting helpful advice, we shall provide the precisely the opposite.
For instance:
Always include vampires. People will praise you hysterically for your unparallelled originality.
Get the idea? Good! Let the Anti-Guide begin!
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 22, 2011 14:47:31 GMT -5
Never spellcheck your work. If you wait too long to publish it, the book will turn boring.
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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jun 22, 2011 15:00:51 GMT -5
Remember to push your political views like there's no tomorrow, and make sure that the reader knows that you see all conservative Christians as uneducated, weak-minded ninnyhammers.
Make your antagonist the head of a large corporation, because everyone knows that corporations, which represent "big business," are inherently evil.
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 22, 2011 15:05:30 GMT -5
Make sure your book includes things about Justin Bieber or Hannah Montana. This will attract not crazy people to read your book.
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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jun 22, 2011 15:17:19 GMT -5
If your main protagonist is a teenager, be sure that she is either orphaned or hateful toward her parents. Remember, your character has no depth if she is not an anti-social misanthropist with jet-black hair and a "dark" history.
When composing action scenes, keep in mind this rule of thumb: No matter how scary or powerful or dangerous the monster is, it can never come as close to killing the hero as can a small woman wielding a knife.
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 22, 2011 15:27:33 GMT -5
Make sure your story setting is as undetailed as possible, to keep the reader guessing.
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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jun 22, 2011 15:31:51 GMT -5
Conversely, try elaborating on every single detail. Don't be afraid to spend entire chapters describing a single feature of the setting and the stories behind that feature. The less it applies to the story, the better. ((Moby Dick.  )) |
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 22, 2011 16:02:06 GMT -5
Make sure your book has no words in it.
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 22, 2011 16:05:42 GMT -5
Always make sure that your story does not connect with the reader in anyway. This will give the story more adventure.
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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jun 23, 2011 11:17:59 GMT -5
Ignore your spellchecker. "Alot" really is a word, as are "thru," "tho," "liek," "lol," and "brb."
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 23, 2011 21:43:52 GMT -5
Always use text lingo. Such as, i, k, u, ya, w8, etc. It is much faster. And remember, you need to get your work published faster because if you wait to long, it will get boring. ;D
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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jun 24, 2011 10:51:47 GMT -5
Use Japanese names for every character, especially the names of your favorite Japanese anime characters. This makes your work highly original and interesting to boot.
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jun 27, 2011 22:13:33 GMT -5
Make sure there is an illustration on every page. If there's one thing readers hate, its words. So make sure to take up as much space as possible with pictures!
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Post by S.W.A.T.K. on Jul 15, 2011 10:28:54 GMT -5
Be sure that your main villain, when he finally becomes ruler of the world, ignores his "most trusted adviser" whenever said adviser advises said villain to kill a particularly troublesome youth whose father said villain killed years ago.
And when the villain learns the whereabouts of the one object in the entire world that can defeat him, have him send his entire army to go get it. It's not like anybody will follow them and steal the object themselves...
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Post by Griffin2448 on Jul 15, 2011 14:57:55 GMT -5
Make sure the bad guys always win. This will ensure you don't write a giant cliche.  |
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